Friday, March 30, 2007

Wank...

I did agonise over whether this post should be titled 'rites of passage' or 'wank' - OK not so much 'agonise' as consider...

Anyway - wank it is.

A few months ago my lovely son, Oz, had a conversation with my boyfriend. It was the kind of conversation that might not have taken place with me in situ: aka 'boy talk'. Oz returned from school and threw the word 'wanker' about with the careless abandon of one who does not know what it means. Andy carefully (and I would imagine, with the pragmatic care of a science teacher) explained what 'wank' really meant, mainly that everyone did it because it felt nice, no big deal etc. etc. Here follows my transcript of the conversation that followed the explanation.

O: Well I'm never going to do that.

A: Errm, well you might find that you do as you get older.

O: No, never, I won't ever do that.

A: Well, I bet you you will by the time you are 18.

O: I won't. How much do you bet me?

A: Bet you £1000 you will - by the time you're 18.

O: OK then you're on...

So Oz took the bet, and oh, how we giggled (in private) about the humour of the bet. Knowing that of course, it was kind of inevitable that event would take place sometime in the next nine years... And what a thing to remember in the midst of 18th birthday celebrations.

Until the other night. Somehow the issue of voices breaking, puberty and the changes that will come along over the next few years came up in conversation. Believing in being open we talked about what puberty might entail; figure it's best to know about the ways in which the body is giong to change, rather than it all being some big mystery that's giggled about with many myths and not much information by school boys. The subject of body hair and where it will grow came up, and I pointed out that 'nob' might not be the best word for Oz to use. "It's not swearing" he told me, and I explained that it kind of was, and just to be aware of that.

O: Well when is it OK to swear?

Me: Well it's never great, but it's certainly more offensive when kids swear.

O: So I can swear when I'm an adult.

Me: Guess that's when it will be your choice.

O: When will I be an adult then, do I have to wait till I'm 18?

Me: In theory.

O: Does puberty make you an adult?

Me: Well, that's when your body is changing to become an adult.

O: How about if you've had a wank?

Me: Errm, well you said you wouldn't before you were 18 anyway.

O: So if I'd had a wank, I'd be allowed to swear?

Me: I suppose you would.

O: [grins] Fuck, shit, bollock...

5 comments:

Fi said...

phew, I was beginning to worry for the poor little bugger - concerned that he was going to feel obligated to remain hands-off til at least 18!

funny, after I've had a wank I feel less inclined to swear...

Taiga the Fox said...

Brilliant :)
After reading this, I suddenly feel quite happy my older son is just 6, so I've still got few years to think about what to say...

Yesterday I saw a really cute looking small girl, about 8 yrs old, shouting "you bloody fucking cunt wanker" to some small boy on the street. And then they smiled happily to each other.

Jen said...

Ah, this really made me laugh! But as Woody Allen said, don't know masterbation, it is sex with someone you love.

Jen said...

I meant to write, don't knock masturbation...

Jacqui said...

I rememeber, as a child, saying wanker at the dinner table. I had heard it at school and innocently didn't know it was a bad word.
My Mum and Dad were really angry gave me a stern telling off and sent me to my room for the day.

I think you both handled it so much better.