Monday, April 09, 2007

White with a hint...

Given the few glorious days of sunshine, I realise that there is a very big danger that many pasty white types will blend into the same colour.

Some will be pink. I saw them on the beach yesterday and did not quite understand how/why they got so pink so fast.

Many (including myself) will be a strange hue of yellow. This is because of the wondrous (?) invention of mosituriser that comes out white but apparently leaves you with 'natural looking sun kissed skin'. I'd never go near fake tan as a) I don't want to go streaky orange and b) it smells so strange, I know the chemical cocktail must be too toxic.

Why, then am I fooled by this moisturiser stuff? I'm sure that the chemicals are just as bad, but it has this clean innocent illusion of not being too scary. So I lovingly applied it to my pasty white legs and they are now a satisfying shade of...well I can't quite say that it is a tan, as to sunkissed? Perhaps, sun pecked? The truth is that I am a very subtle shade of, well - yellow. And so it would seem are many people wondering about with shorts/skirts/rolled up jeans.

We are all the same colour. What happens when the sun comes out? Perhaps it's just a girl thing, but there is this implicit assumption that you must have smooth, shaved legs that pretend not to have been locked safely in tights and trousers all winter. Every year I think this is rubbish. Every year I some how join in.

Perhaps one day they will name a paint shade after us all. 'Sun pecked white' [White with a hint of, yellow]

However, no matter how scary this is, it is not as scary as a 'fashion tip' I saw in a magazine. A special new product, guaranteed to stop fake tan streaking - a suit that you wear overnight after applying fake tan.

Tell me if I'm being stupid, there is no other way to explain said new item as anything other than a giant...babygro. Surely, there's no one who'd actually consider it, I thought to myself. And then I saw three people and two children wearing Crocs.

I might be uniform 'white girl with yellowish legs', but, it could be worse. I could be an orange-babygro-wearing-walking-draining-rack.


Occasional Poster of Comments said...

You looked pretty normal-coloured yesterday. Mind you, if this moisturiser thing is as prevalent as you fear, maybe I've just become so inured to the yellowness that I can no longer tell the difference.

It's got to be better than lobster pink, though. Anyone would have thought that woman in Five Degrees must have been sunning herself at high altitude under a hole in the ozone layer. That shade surely can't be possible in early April.

miss-cellany said...

Perhaps there is also a secret moisturiser that turns you lobster (sun punched as opposed to kissed?), just so that you really look like you've been in the sun, as opppsed to simply lounging and therefore, yellow.

emapple said...

I haven't got as far as shaving my legs yet. I pretend I don't care but I do. I can't help it. I've been tempted by the tinted moisturisers but haven't succumbed yet. Is it worth it?


miss-cellany said...

It avoids pasty, and in its place you get a nice shade of samosa.

So on reflection (as samosa has both more colour and flavour than pasty) I'd say, yes it kind of is worth it x

Seeder said...

Now i can start commenting on your writing too

David Marc Napier Bate said...

I guess it's because being deprived of the sun for five or so months, and it being the Easter holidays, no-one can help themselves. All the creams, etc, are a con: it's just no-one's got any time to sit ane sunbathe anymore; they're all indoors blogging, tving, computering, gaming, etc!!